I got up and went into my prayer closet. For over 10 minutes I sobbed. I mean, sobbed to the point of no sound. Sobbed until my head was so stopped up it took 2 hours for it to clear. Gut-wrenching sobs coming up from deep inside.
After I released the pain and calmed down enough to have a thought, I realized the pain had built up over time - I had not kept current with the hurt. I covered it up with repeated attempts to connect with the unresponsive people, figuring that if I could just _________ (you name it), all would be OK and they'd respond the way I wanted.
Well, enough! I was done with this hurting thing. I started to plot how I was going to respond going forward. I am done! Not investing any more energy trying to talk to or spend time with or get a response from people who obviously were not interested.
And I was going to tell them just that!
Wait. You judged the situation through your own eyes and you're acting out of offense.
I pondered the Lord's words. True, I could be mistaken on how I see the situation. And SO true, my unresolved hurt was a fertile breeding ground for offense!
If I hold on to the offense and act on it, any action from the other person would be a guilt-induced reaction to my words. They would (1) deny it, (2) pull away, and/or (3) try to appease me, possibly just to avoid conflict. So any "favorable" response I received would fall far short from what I really wanted: a completely reconciled and restored relationship.
Totally out of my control to make that happen!
Only God can do that...and only IF I am willing to let go of the hurt and the offense. So I asked Him for a miracle.
Lord, forgive me, heal me, change my heart!
Over the past few days the Lord renewed my strength and filled me with His love and peace as I chose to spend time with Him and listen. I stopped allowing my hurt to breed offense. As a result, I have a heartfelt desire to pray and reach out, and to bless and not curse.
That is the biggest miracle of all: a changed heart!
Only God can heal your heart and forgive your sins. Choose to ask, believe, and receive.
14 Inasmuch then as we [believers] have a great High Priest who has [already ascended and] passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession [of faith and cling tenaciously to our absolute trust in Him as Savior]. For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize understand our weaknesses temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as without [committing any] sin. Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment].
(Hebrews 4:14-16 AMP)