God, we’ve been
married for a whole month already. He should know how I feel!
God, we don’t seem to
have much closeness in our marriage. What are we doing wrong?
Marriage can be joyful, rewarding, and extremely fulfilling.
Marriage can also be painful, boring, and extremely hard work. Yes, marriage is
just like life: what you expect from marriage is directly related to how much
you enjoy it.
This is the final part of a six-part series about the “worse”
times Don and I have experienced and how God led us through. Click here for series introduction.
This week’s topic: Expectations
Testimony
As I mentioned in a previous post, I observed many married
couples when I was single. I watched how they treated each other, how they
disciplined their children, and how they interacted with others. I also read
many books on marriage. I admired those who could finish each other’s
sentences, or anticipate each other’s needs. I eagerly anticipated loving looks,
gentle touches, and kind words between me and my husband.
That’s how I thought my marriage would be…on day one. (Yes,
I laugh about that now, too.) After all, since God brought Don and I together, I was
certain He’d work out all the rough spots and give us a marriage made in
heaven.
I was partially right – He did give us a marriage made in heaven.
- I expected us to live happily ever after as soon as we said, “I do.” Happiness is subjective, and does not mean we’ll always feel good and “in love.”
- I expected Don to be a take-charge leader and boldly guide our marriage. God brought me a gentle man; wise, loving, and big-hearted who led by example.
- I expected lots of gushy romance. God brought me a faithful man who loved me deeply and would never leave me, and expressed love in his own unique way.
- I expected marriage to fill my love tank to overflowing. Marriage emptied my love tank, only God could refill it.
- I expected Don to become the man of God I knew he could be. Don was already the man of God he was created to be.
I also believed the goal of marriage was two people, madly
in love and desperate to be together, growing together as one and serving the Lord.
Again, I was partially right. Don and I were brought
together to become one, and to serve the Lord better than either of us can do on our own. But the
goal is not about either person in the marriage, or about the marriage itself.
The goal of marriage is to advance the Kingdom of God by modeling true love in the deepest
way: laying down one’s life for the other every single day.
The greatest marriage blessings come when we die to
ourselves and our own desires for the sake of our spouse, modelling Christ's sacrificial love. Then we can fulfill God's expectation of marriage: to glorify Him and make Him known.
Take-Away Lessons
1. Romance grows from a solid foundation of God’s
love. Romance is not the foundation of marriage.
2. If you are in the middle of a rough time, you
will get through it. It’s hardly ever as bad as it seems.
3. Expect God to do what you cannot: change you and your
spouse, in His time, in His way. In the meantime, accept him/her, and yourself, as-is.
4. Learn from other couples, but don’t expect to
look like them or be like them. Each marriage is as unique as the two people in
it.
5. Let go of expectations that your marriage will always feel good, or ever be perfect. It won't.
6. When your expectations are not met, take your
feelings to God instead of acting them out on your spouse (or others).
7. Ask God to show you where your expectations are
wrong. Replace those expectations with thanksgiving and acceptance for how
things are today.
8. Keep perspective on God’s goal for your
marriage: to glorify Him.
Our marriage has been an amazing testimony of the power and
grace of God. But it's not perfect, and never will be.
All
marriages have hard times and unfulfilled dreams. To expect anything else is a
setup for failure.
Overall, my marriage thrives when I let go of my expectations and choose to focus on what's really important. When I focus on
the true goal of marriage, to glorify God, all the little things I fret over
become unimportant. When I focus on how much we love each other instead of what
we may or may not have or do, I realize God did, indeed, give me a marriage
made in heaven.
Thank you for blessing
me with the greatest husband on the planet. No kidding!
TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Where do you have wrong expectations for
your marriage? Ask God for grace to let them go, and ask Him to fill your heart
with love for your spouse, right where they are.
Also, if you know someone who may be blessed by this
series, please share the link with them.
love it…let's see how I do when I remarry…haven't met him yet but believing God for a husband…it's not over till it's over. Love you.
ReplyDeleteI'm believing with you, Mom....can't wait to see him, and how God brings him. Thank you for your encouraging comments!
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