I'm back. Back in the saddle again after spending way too much time wallowing in crap.
Oh God! He has been so patient with me in my rebellion. Yes, rebellion. And all this after writing a blog about how we are MORE than conquerors! Yikes!
Lord I am so sorry, thank you for your forgiveness!
For the past few months I've lived a defeated life. Oh poor me, I have no strength, no energy, no drive to do anything. I've been going through the routine of job, church, and even quiet time - all has been out of obligation and have-to. I had a few hurts and frustrations, and I "went with them" for too long, if you know what I mean. And then I got stuck.
God kept pointing me to the horse, putting His hand out to help me get back up, showing me awesome places the horse will take me. Reminding me of all He has given me and all He has for me. Offering me peace, joy, and His strength to rise up.
I ignored His offers. Content to sit among the crap and getting way too comfortable despite the smell and the hard ground, I looked away and down and allowed myself to wallow in hopelessness.
I don't know what changed this morning, I really don't, but somehow I'd had enough. I think it was a combination of things God led me to read over the past few days - yes, He leads us despite ourselves! The final straw, so to speak, was a devotional entry about how only the defeated lay down their weapons but conquerors sheathe their swords. I pictured a conqueror sitting on a horse, back straight and tall in the saddle.
I wanted that! And I missed the closeness with my Daddy.
With bold resolve, I got up and jumped on my horse, ready to conquer whatever came my way. Today it is writing this blog - I made the time NOW, in THIS moment, no excuses and no "I'll do it later" procrastination.
Here's the takeaway for me, and hopefully for you.
As long as we keep facing God - even when we're in rebellion - He can get our attention. If we don't face Him we'll miss Him; when we face Him He gently guides us back. He loves us despite all our fallen human-ness and sin. And He misses us deeply when we stray...just like we miss Him.
Our repentance and obedience don't increase God's love for us, they just enable us to receive His love and live in close relationship with Him.
Thankfully, in the midst of my rebellion I kept facing Him. He loves that! I kept turning toward Him and He kept reaching out. He didn't pick me up and put me on the horse - if He did I would have jumped right back off. He patiently waited for me to respond.
God is faithful. He never gives up on us, He keeps reaching out. His love is enduring, everlasting, and true.
His love for me. His love for you.
Keep facing Him, repent for your rebellion, and get back in the saddle again. You won't be at peace until you do.
If we are faithless, He remains faithful [true to His word and His righteous character], for He cannot deny Himself. (2 Timothy 2:13, AMP)