Lately I’ve been feeling a bit of distance with Don. It’s nothing serious, just that type of “blah” feeling where you co-exist but don’t really connect.
He feels it too.
I came home from our vacation over a week ago, and Don stayed in Florida. I found I didn’t really miss him – in fact, I enjoyed the peace and freedom to do what I wanted. Then when he came home, I realized I did miss him…and yet…no sparks of greeting.
I’ve been pondering why; what got us to this point…again. OK, yes, I admit it: little things have been bugging me. You know, the little things that don’t merit bringing up individually but build up over time.
He’s been doing this, and not doing that.
Why doesn’t he understand me after all this time?
I can’t believe he forgot what I just told him…again!
And, the biggest little thing: I’m so tired of trying to get everything right…and forgiving again, and again, and again.
After pondering in circles for a while, I prayed:
God, I can’t do this, I’m weary, Don is all yours!
How many of you know God absolutely loves those prayers?
Yesterday morning on the way to church (Don went in earlier), I had one of those semi-panic moments many women have out of the blue: “Oh wow, I hope he’s OK, I didn’t tell him I loved him this morning!” I hoped he wasn’t laying in a ditch somewhere.
The Holy Spirit whispered, “Do you love him well? That’s the only question you need to answer.”
My heart broke. I realized that if *I* was the one who ended up in a ditch and someone asked *Don* that question, he would not have a resoundingly affirmative answer.
I have not loved him well.
Instead of working on changes in *me* that would make our marriage better – the only things in my control – I focused on ridiculous little things Don should change. I judged instead of accepted; rejected instead of loved.
God, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, and change my heart.
As I worshipped God at church and listened to His Word, tears of cleansing and repentance slid softly down my cheeks. Don is a wonderful husband. He’s generous and kind, and he passionately loves Jesus with all his heart. I am blessed beyond words that God gave Don to me.
It’s time I live that way, and start choosing God’s way of love over the selfish way of the enemy and my flesh…each and every day…one day at a time. If Don is ever asked that question, I want him to grin from ear to ear and say, “Yes, Mary loves me well.”
And I want to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” from my Heavenly Father.
Can you imagine what marriages would be like if each person made it their goal to love their spouse well?
I’m hoping to find out!
Question to ponder: Yes, only one: Do you love your spouse well?