Today I woke up late, didn't have time to have a quiet time. Well, I did have part of one – I read a little in the Bible and I read my My Utmost for His Highest devotional. Then I called Don, packed up my stuff, and it was time to get ready for work.
As I was drying my hair, I was thinking about how my quiet time the day before was so different. I came to God with a deep sense of need. I had a meeting that I was a little nervous about and a lot of things to do. I prayed, read the Bible, read the devotional, wrote in my journal, and pressed in hard to get a sense of God’s presence to take me through the day.
So today, did I not need him as much? No. I definitely need him the same every single day. I'm sure if this, know it to be true.Is it because I felt guilty about wasting time the night before playing a stupid computer game? Possibly. I was in the state of mind where I just didn't have anything in me that wanted to concentrate on anything productive – even read – because I had had such a long day at work. (That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it.)
As I thought more about it, I realized that it's a relationship. Every day looks different. I know God is there, and I know He'll come through when I need Him…generally speaking. But….
- Some days I need more assurance; other days I wake up strong in the Lord and deeply peaceful inside.
- Some days I need more guidance first thing; other days I trust that the guidance will be there when I need it.
- Some days I have big events going on; other days it’s just routine, ordinary life.
As I sit here eating breakfast, I remember something a friend of mine posted on Facebook:
“I'm reading a wonderful book called The Holiness of God. In it the author, R C Sproul asks the question, "When you look into the mirror of God's holiness, what do you see?" A very thought provoking question. If you close your eyes and imagine yourself standing before that mirror, what would you see?”
Much to my surprise, this was my answer:
I see myself how He sees me, removing all the crap and seeing me how He created me to be. I feel love, and acceptance, and delight. And I also see tears of amazement in my own eyes that He could see me like that!
Yes! I am holy, blameless, valuable, and beloved, because God sees me through the eyes of his son Jesus.
Nothing to prove, nothing to earn.Am I sorry I didn't spend more focused time with God last night or this morning when I had a chance? Yes and no. Truth is, I'm always spending time with God whether I'm consciously communicating with Him, or just sitting in His presence playing a mindless game. He's like an old friend who is always there with me. Silence is OK.
I am so full and joyful and secure. No more condemnation, no more shame. I love him so much I have tears in my eyes even as I dictate this email into my phone for writing it later. (And yes, people are looking at me as they walk by like I'm weird J)I'm going to carry that smile into my day with me, knowing that the Creator of the universe is my Father and my very best friend. He's with me all the time, He loves me endlessly, and he sees me as his beautiful child. That's what I want to reflect to everyone I meet today.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
(Ephesians 1:3-6, NIV)